Jet skiers in the neighborhood -LOL

At the 5 corners in Redlands CA we have christened unknown people cruising around the neighborhood as Jet skiers in the 5 mph zone. There was one vote for ATV’ers due to the edison utility hardware replacement company golf cart with the strobe lights on it driving around. (they showed up on a Sunday and replaced a couple of disconnects) I voted it’s like Jet skiers cruising past your dock and they don’t know you can hear them and see them because you are kicking back in your boat.


No big deal it’s just that you are not talking quietly when the engine is on.

They look straight at you and talk to you and say: “He/She can’t hear us right?” The engine is on.”

Umm,.. Your ENGINE is ON and your mouth is in gear!



You are holding a engine correct?
It’s ON right? YES?

You don’t understand why everyone is staring at you?


YOU are making a CONVERSATION WAKE in the NO WAKE ECHO ZONE in the neighborhood.

Just like Jet Skiers cruising past in the venice canals and the keys at the river or by the London Bridge Havasu AZ,..

Jet skiers making a conversation wake.


PS I put it on but the crazy RSS feed people wanted it here too.

Darwin Death Valley (the movie) comes to mind sometimes.

I just sing,..

Images are screen snaps from a Google image search used for strictly editorial purposes.

Humor: If you want a house on the corner buy a house on the corner


Humor: If you want a house on the corner buy a house on the corner

If you want a house on the corner to “see what’s going on” buy a house on the corner. Don’t ask the people that live in those houses what’s going on because that’s ridiculous.

I am not involved in educating the homeschoolers.
I am not involved in Adulting your elderly parents.
I am not involved in “changing the neighbors” because I want new neighbors, “I don’t like the old ones, I am embarrassed by what my kid did”.

[If your child is outside at night telling the elderly to kill themselves, it’s fine if we know what’s going on, yes it’s embarrassing for you to own that child]

Repeat after me neighbors:
I am not involved in “Real Estate Turnover” because I am not a Real Estate Broker. I do not earn a percentage of the total office commissions.
Harassing homeowners to turn over real estate is crazy because in a small town THEY ARE YOUR NEIGHBORS. THEY CAN HEAR YOU DOING IT.

How do the normal people know this?
We see your grandkids in the bushes with cellphones and tablets.
Obviously they are pretending to be a ghost with Grandpa and Grandma? REALLY?
Isn’t that just using the kid for bait? OR are you guys trying to scare the gardener to death again?

Why do I get upset at this
Figuring it out what grandpa is playing with the kid takes too much time.
I only have (calculating) 6,307,200 minutes left to live.

Playing Real Estate Turnover is Nuts.

If I wanted a turnover I can go to the bakery and get a apple turnover. Listening to your grandkids in the bushes talking to grandpa is weird and scary unless you know there is a Aleister Crowley Coven nearby. Actually if it’s people in the bushes talking about sex and marijuana then it’s probably someone in California searching for the spirit of Gerald Gardener.

A famous automotive journalist, commentator and humorist had a point when he said I am not waiting  45 minutes for my car to charge up to go someplace. I only have “105,120” hours left in my entire LIFE.

Wasting my time is what I get mad at plus having to hear the deaf help the psychopathic family members. [Look, if you have 40 family members including the grandkids that’s a LOT of talking, IF your brood is having problems and it sounds like a pathological thing then:

Listening to people who have psychiatric disorders talk to each other in the neighborhood is fine for them because they have a problem with living their life. They want everyone to BE LIKE MIKE [Ouch,.. err ]

The problem is obvious, it’s the lack of visual aids.

You don’t get it right?
It’s like this:

I don’t want to be like you, I don’t want to be in your family, I want to have friends that have fun and don’t sit at home homeschooling the kids while mom gets to dress up all sexy and go to lunch (sell real estate).
Which is cool if she walks by the security cameras over HERE not OVER THERE!

Hint: instead of talking over the tops of houses why don’t you get a cheap tablet and take a video call over to the person you are talking to? You don’t even need to travel, just call uber and have them drive it over there. You can even talk to the driver while he does it. Doctor visits, no problem just send the tablet. You can measure your own blood pressure right?

Pretend I am that famous humorist with initials for a moment, you have to be nice to famous people to get them to talk to you.

Be Nice First

Oh  I forgot,..


The official answer is always useful.
You have to have a official answer (Historical fact: this comes from the Soviet Union). Once you have a official answer you have to use that as the official answer in any sentence answering a question. Even if it is the wrong answer.

Everybody knows that one in the UK correct?

Famous humorists in the USA:
Will Rogers, Samuel Clemens [Mark Twain]








Locals Only

Locals Only
How far does that phrase go back?
I don’t know. I do know we had it in Arcadia, Big Bear Lake. I don’t want to fight over who started the phrase but to some of us it was cool. In Arcadia and the whole SoCal southland you saw graffiti that just said: Locals Only It’s kind-of all over the world now apparently.

What it was in reality,.. once the phrase hooked in to people’s heads it meant Locals First or simply “I am a local here”. If you heard the phrase: “Local’s only” you knew that there was “a issue” with people who were not from that neighborhood or some kind of local RuleZ that you did not know about. [RuleZ <–common sense, if someone says: “Locals” that is a simple way of telling you they know what’s up or live in the area and they are not trying to cause problems. A editing interruption digression –> UNCOS means The Stranger in spanish BTW

Hey a cool video from LA Weekly click me

Back to Locals Only

I remember the snowflake thing wow,..


And official unofficial galleries,..

Dangerous Art:
People always ask why do they pay for that stuff?



Why is it dangerous? Well,.. art has to have a concept and people have to talk about something so,.. if it’s dangerous then it’s “Sexy” but if it looks like a solar weiner solar fryer then it’s Danger ART. It’s really two Shiny balls opening to show another shiny ball which is FUN to talk about and walk around and have your kids play with while on a “corporate plaza”

Digression alert here speaking about talking to someone about having the devil show up at your house? I know a guy,.. ya know,.. who sometimes when he was on his way to Doris Day’s house would stop by in the “black cape thing” at our house, sometimes.

See,.. last night there was a story from the blackness of night about Terry Kupfer being in the KKK  and Anton LaVey.

Thank god the real KKK remembered the actual story:
Anton LaVey did meet with the KKK at several times trying to find out who was threatening his son’s life. The KKK in San Bernardino remember and respect him for doing that. This is from a story told last night at his families spirit shrine, this is very scary sometimes which is why certain people like myself and others try to find humor in everyday life. Phrases like just call yourself Howard Stanton, we don’t need the last name L e v e y, we have no use for your last name, were overheard so I can verify it’s true. [I was there at the time. Imagine being me for a moment]

Thanks Yucaipa for showing you cared, you need to please remember that sometimes I need to be invisible again. If  you want us to convince people that the spirit exists, Then you need to show respect for The Ancients.

Saying it back to the night,..  I put it to you this way:
Can you imagine going from San Francisco to  LA and San Bernardino at various times,..  alone to find the people that were known to be abusing your son and threatening to kill him for their version of Satanism? Then tracking them down and actively searching for the real KKK to talk to them? In the 1970’s? With that Last Name? Then finding and talking to them at night, alone? 600 miles from home? The man is still a legend which is why in OLD LA he was the people’s king.

Somehow the next part is not so funny anymore I wrote it years earlier so you need to put your tablet down and come back in a few minutes dear readers.

Back yet?

LOL EVIL SPECTRUM CABLE they stole the IDEA from Arcadians.
What if the grim reaper showed up?
Remember the grim reaper guy in Arcadia? Did they make it onto TV?
It’s gotta be them,.. I remember these guys,..

Spectum SEz I love Jesus lol
Spectum SEz I love Jesus lol wait that’s a “goatee demon” and the grim reaper

I Varsity Lettered in Badminton,.. (TWICE) same concept as Yoga Boy here next to danger art in the green shirt being severely estrogenized by burnt hormones => pheremones

LOL “That’s like his Coven of Love Right?”

It’s spelled A.R.C.A.D.I.A. <–where this kind of humor comes from

We have our own secret religion,.. Conversation goes like this:
See it’s like this,..Umm don’t pick on Yoga Boy,.. otherwise the Estrogen people run you over in the parking lot later. He gets to give them backrub’s honey, it’s OK for him to be there,..

Danger Yoga, I like it,.. Nothing like standing under the 50 thousand pound sculpture next to you. Notice what bridge it is? This is the ultimate urban boy’s fantasy which is why someone took the picture in the first place. The women share him around and try to feed him and get him fat. He’s thinking sex ALL THE TIME. They are just trying to marry him to their families. Usually they are thinking he is a sweetheart —and if he is—they get to forget who they are and be his age for a moment in time. For a moment he is their sweetheart,..

But nothing beats Estrogen Archery,..

Why are you guys all into the archery thing?

Um,.. Well? It’s probably the same thing?


Those are Breasts,.. Estrogen Archery is about Men ahem, cough “letting women play with pointed objects”BUT it’s actually a secret Santa”naic” sex cult  (santa naic get it? Hi K!)

Attention all men You need to try to read their minds?
That’s all you have to do,.. to be loved is to be able to read their minds. Here is a hint: look at their faces,.. FACES FIRST that’s how you can read their minds by looking at their faces get it? Smiling => Happy

Men think they are like this when they are in a pack

Look my penis is scaring a dog:
Which is true!

In reality to women men look like this when the women are in a pack

#1 Rule in life => Women hear things men don’t hear,.. Get it?
#2 Rule in life => Don’t bug the woman with the bow and arrows that’s the kung-fu expert.